self-improvement

La Tortura (pre-race)

One of these days, I’ll really buckle down and actually train for my races. Like, full on follow the schedule and eat right and not stress and have a cig or two the week before the big day. I’ll follow the plan all the way through the end and not stop training the last month like I always do. This would all be true if most half marathons were’t right in the middle of the fall semester.  Life, you guys.

So last year I ran my half in a total of 3:20:55. That’s a 15:20 pace. Less than ideal. I had the best running buddy who cheered me on and wouldn’t let me quit even after a dude racing dressed as a friggin’ dinosaur passed us. This year, I’m running alone. I’m half scared that I’m going to let my brain talk me into quitting halfway through and half excited to see how far I can push myself.

I stopped training altogether about a month ago. I’ve tried to get a run in here and there since then, but haven’t been able to run anything farther than a 5k due to time constraints. I stopped doing leg day because I didn’t want to risk being sore these last few days. But I have a plan. I’m going to do run/walk splits at 8/2 intervals all the way through. I think I can manage that the whole 13 miles without burning out and still make better time than last year. We’ll see how it goes. The race has a live app that lets people follow your progress and cheer you on, so I’ll be posting a link with my info because I know I’ll need all the cheers I can get.

My head’s already fucking with me and I’m thinking “it’s okay if you don’t go. you already paid anyway, so it’s not like you’d be wasting the money because it’s already done. you don’t need to do this to yourself. you can just walk all the way. enjoy the race!” But then I’m also like “nah, I have a damn 13.1 sticker on my truck. I can’t not run this. I’d be a total fake. a poser. no frickin’ way. you are doing this.” So I’m doing it. Y’all pray I don’t die, please <3.

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Sometimes

Sometimes, you just want to say “fuck decorum” and just put it all out there because it’s therapeutic.  Because blasting people that need to be blasted eases my mind and soothes my soul.

But doing so would be in poor taste and would cause more harm than good and in the end would do nothing more than make me feel better for a few minutes and then I’d go back to being miserable because venting about something helps, but it doesn’t make the problem go away.

So thank goodness for sisterly bonds and LDRs and people who get it and don’t judge.  All my love to you, babe.

Sometimes, you just need to focus on the good like grad school applications and having completed my education and being thankful that I have a career AND a great ass & I’m not stuck at some dead-end job with no diploma.

Sometimes, you just have to channel your frustrations and let them be your motivation to do better, try harder, go stronger.  You have to take that next step that will get you where you want to be.  Be it running a half marathon or finally getting a master’s degree or simply learning to let go of old demons.

Sometimes, you just need to remember to breathe.

 

On plateaus

I started going to the gym at the beginning of July.  Prior to that I mainly ran every other day, three miles or so.  The scale wasn’t moving, my legs looked okay, but not as toned as I’d like them to.  I started the 30 Day Shred which had given me awesome results before, but nothing this time.  Now I go to the gym every week day and do cardio/HIIT for a warm-up and then weights. I’ve gained five pounds.  What the duck?

It’s frustrating.  My body has changed and I’ve toned up in some areas, but I haven’t slimmed down at all.  I’ve gained weight.  And I mean, yeah, it’s still pretty awesome because my legs used to be one of the things I was super self conscious about and now I live in shorts, but still.  Frustrating.  I feel like I eat less than I used to.  I got tired of logging shit on myfitnesspal every time I ate so I don’t know for sure anymore.  And I mean, I know I can cut down on the snacking and late eating, and once I go back to work that’ll hopefully be easier, but ohmygosh why can’t I just drop a few pounds???

Don’t get me wrong.  I have some new found confidence. Hell, I even bought a crop top to wear with a high-waisted skirt the other day.  I feel stronger.  I look better.  But my mid-section is killing my vibe, yo.  Maybe I should give up dairy? I feel bloated all the damn time.  It sucks.  So the new realization is that my diet sucks.  I swear I could eat nothing but salads all damn day and still feel sick and bloated afterwards.  So what do I eat?! Ugh.

 

Morning sanity.

I say this all the time, but I think it bares worth repeating: working out is good for my body, great for my heart, and amazing for my mental health.

It took everything in me to get out of bed at 5:30 this morning.  I kept telling myself that I’d just run at night.  Then I gave I myself a good talking to and reminded myself that M has her first game back today (!!!) I have laundry to do, and also need to run to Walmart for essentials so it can’t be put off.  That got my butt up outta bed.

30 minutes and 3.2 miles later and here I sit, a sweaty puddle mess, but as happy as can be.

With as much as we’ve got going on lately and as much as is going on at school, I need those 30 minutes of silence and clarity in the morning.  With M back in soccer and Caleb playing in 2 leagues, my afternoons have returned to their possession.  This moves cleaning and other stuff to late late evenings/nights and weekends and there goes my sanity.

So yeah, early morning workouts it is.  Plus it’ll help me prepare for race day (next Saturday!!!) since that’ll be in the morning too.  So excited!!!

 

 

 

Metaphors & OOTW

I bought a domain on google and now I have no idea what to do with it.  Any help/advice is certainly appreciated.

So this happened yesterday and it was monumental in my fitness journey as I have a) never exercised non-stop for over 40 minutes and b) never walked/jogged/ran 5 consecutive miles.  I mean, I probably have never done that in my life, but I don’t want to hyperbolize.

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When I started training for a 10K I did it more because I need structure and the Nike Fuel app gave me a daily distance, workout, and built in rest days.  If I didn’t have a plan for what to do each day, I’d just do the same thing everyday until I burned out and quit a week in.  So I figured it would at least help me stay active and I’d cut back on days when I had long runs because no way I could run anything past 3.5 miles.  Well.  I’ve proven myself wrong.  Don’t get me wrong, I wanted to die yesterday.  I was near tears after mile 4.  But I pushed myself and I was so damn excited/proud/high when I was done.

I think that’s a great metaphor for other things going on in my life right now.

Things may get uncomfortable, and some days I may just want to throw in the towel and deal with the consequences rather than put in the work and effort, but the reward for sticking with it and seeing it through is so much greater.

So that’s that.

Here’s the OOTW for last week.  I got an awesome new top from Glam Tops, but have yet to take a decent picture of me in it.  Hopefully it’ll make it’s debut next week if I have time to do my hurr.

E24E8D00-24A0-4318-834D-52F6EFAC5AA4Super blah although I will say the black on black outfit was fierce in person after I actually did my makeup.

So there you have it.  I’m off to get ready to take my girls to the zoo since the weather is gorgeous!  Have a great Sunday, y’all!

Introvert+Truth+Teamwork+Positivity+Downtime

This introvert needs some alone time.

I’m taking tomorrow off.  I feel sensory overload.  People, noise, my surroundings.  I need to get away from it all.

I need downtime.  Quiet.  Peace.  Even if it’s just for a few moments.  I need to be completely alone.

I know some people don’t get it.  I know some people think it’s selfish.  I know some think it’s an excuse for time off.  To the latter two types I say “eff you and your judgy bullshit.”

The older I get, the more I get to know myself and the clearer it becomes.  There are some things I absolutely need in order to function:  prayer, plenty of sleep, lots of water, exercise, organization, a planner, and downtime.  These things are crucial in order for me to not have a breakdown and bitch out everyone in sight.

I also need to work on my diet because PMS gets the best of me and I eat everything in sight knowing damn well that I’ll feel like shit a few minutes later and for days to come.  The more I pay attention to how food affects me, the more I realize that sugar makes me sick.  It makes me antsy and irritable and lethargic.  Red meat makes me feel bloated and gross. Bread and milk totally screw up my system.  And yet. I had ALL OF THAT today.  And while it was savory and I justified it with PMS, I’m already feeling sluggish and  it didn’t even help my mood at all.

I need to get back to running in the mornings.  Being up before everyone, the quiet, it made me feel at peace even if for a bit.  I need to eat better.  Because with as much as I’ve been busting my ass on the pavement, the scale keeps going up.  I need to stop cheating myself in order to see results.  I know all this, and still, it’s hard.

Because when students don’t listen and you answer the same question eleventy million times and the kids you want to help refuse it and the ones you thought were improving fall, it’s so easy to turn to a chocolate bar and say “I deserve this after the day I’ve had” but I don’t.  What I do deserve is a talk with a team that has my back and understands.  And a run to burn out the negativity.  And time with my kids who seem to be growing up in the blink of an eye.  And I have all that.  Now all I need is my me-time.  ❤

Brain Dump

I started drafting this post on Thursday and it’s amazing what a difference a day makes.  Thursday was bad.  I was in a horrible mood.  People were annoying me by just existing.  Well, that’s a lie.  Some people are just negative little assholes.  But I won’t waste my time dwelling on that because it’s just not worth it.

Friday was awesome.  Teaching kids to write essays is not easy.  That is understatement of the century.  Either way, Thursday was discouraging, but then Friday came around and the kids started getting it and I got some awesome feedback from old students and it was just a great day.

Then today I went to a training that I found to be incredibly insightful and relevant.  If you’re a teacher, you know how rare that is.  I mean, no one likes going to trainings period, let alone one on a Saturday morning, but I feel it was a good investment of my time and it reinforced my belief in teachers being our own best resources.

In other news, I’ve hidden my scale.  I was super annoyed with the number  I was at last week, but happy with the way my legs are looking, so I decided I need to stop with the number obsession and focus on how I feel and look instead.

I’m tired.  We’ve been traveling quite a bit this last month and household chores have been piling up and I’ve been dead set on getting my daily workouts in that putting clothes away and organizing clutter has taken a back seat.

So has putting much thought into outfits and hair.  Whatever, as long as I feel put together and not like a slob, I’m good.

 

No OOTW pictures this week because wordpress is being difficult.

Have a great weekend!