self-improvement

Sometimes

Sometimes, you just want to say “fuck decorum” and just put it all out there because it’s therapeutic.  Because blasting people that need to be blasted eases my mind and soothes my soul.

But doing so would be in poor taste and would cause more harm than good and in the end would do nothing more than make me feel better for a few minutes and then I’d go back to being miserable because venting about something helps, but it doesn’t make the problem go away.

So thank goodness for sisterly bonds and LDRs and people who get it and don’t judge.  All my love to you, babe.

Sometimes, you just need to focus on the good like grad school applications and having completed my education and being thankful that I have a career AND a great ass & I’m not stuck at some dead-end job with no diploma.

Sometimes, you just have to channel your frustrations and let them be your motivation to do better, try harder, go stronger.  You have to take that next step that will get you where you want to be.  Be it running a half marathon or finally getting a master’s degree or simply learning to let go of old demons.

Sometimes, you just need to remember to breathe.

 

On plateaus

I started going to the gym at the beginning of July.  Prior to that I mainly ran every other day, three miles or so.  The scale wasn’t moving, my legs looked okay, but not as toned as I’d like them to.  I started the 30 Day Shred which had given me awesome results before, but nothing this time.  Now I go to the gym every week day and do cardio/HIIT for a warm-up and then weights. I’ve gained five pounds.  What the duck?

It’s frustrating.  My body has changed and I’ve toned up in some areas, but I haven’t slimmed down at all.  I’ve gained weight.  And I mean, yeah, it’s still pretty awesome because my legs used to be one of the things I was super self conscious about and now I live in shorts, but still.  Frustrating.  I feel like I eat less than I used to.  I got tired of logging shit on myfitnesspal every time I ate so I don’t know for sure anymore.  And I mean, I know I can cut down on the snacking and late eating, and once I go back to work that’ll hopefully be easier, but ohmygosh why can’t I just drop a few pounds???

Don’t get me wrong.  I have some new found confidence. Hell, I even bought a crop top to wear with a high-waisted skirt the other day.  I feel stronger.  I look better.  But my mid-section is killing my vibe, yo.  Maybe I should give up dairy? I feel bloated all the damn time.  It sucks.  So the new realization is that my diet sucks.  I swear I could eat nothing but salads all damn day and still feel sick and bloated afterwards.  So what do I eat?! Ugh.

 

Morning sanity.

I say this all the time, but I think it bares worth repeating: working out is good for my body, great for my heart, and amazing for my mental health.

It took everything in me to get out of bed at 5:30 this morning.  I kept telling myself that I’d just run at night.  Then I gave I myself a good talking to and reminded myself that M has her first game back today (!!!) I have laundry to do, and also need to run to Walmart for essentials so it can’t be put off.  That got my butt up outta bed.

30 minutes and 3.2 miles later and here I sit, a sweaty puddle mess, but as happy as can be.

With as much as we’ve got going on lately and as much as is going on at school, I need those 30 minutes of silence and clarity in the morning.  With M back in soccer and Caleb playing in 2 leagues, my afternoons have returned to their possession.  This moves cleaning and other stuff to late late evenings/nights and weekends and there goes my sanity.

So yeah, early morning workouts it is.  Plus it’ll help me prepare for race day (next Saturday!!!) since that’ll be in the morning too.  So excited!!!

 

 

 

Metaphors & OOTW

I bought a domain on google and now I have no idea what to do with it.  Any help/advice is certainly appreciated.

So this happened yesterday and it was monumental in my fitness journey as I have a) never exercised non-stop for over 40 minutes and b) never walked/jogged/ran 5 consecutive miles.  I mean, I probably have never done that in my life, but I don’t want to hyperbolize.

IMG_1932

When I started training for a 10K I did it more because I need structure and the Nike Fuel app gave me a daily distance, workout, and built in rest days.  If I didn’t have a plan for what to do each day, I’d just do the same thing everyday until I burned out and quit a week in.  So I figured it would at least help me stay active and I’d cut back on days when I had long runs because no way I could run anything past 3.5 miles.  Well.  I’ve proven myself wrong.  Don’t get me wrong, I wanted to die yesterday.  I was near tears after mile 4.  But I pushed myself and I was so damn excited/proud/high when I was done.

I think that’s a great metaphor for other things going on in my life right now.

Things may get uncomfortable, and some days I may just want to throw in the towel and deal with the consequences rather than put in the work and effort, but the reward for sticking with it and seeing it through is so much greater.

So that’s that.

Here’s the OOTW for last week.  I got an awesome new top from Glam Tops, but have yet to take a decent picture of me in it.  Hopefully it’ll make it’s debut next week if I have time to do my hurr.

E24E8D00-24A0-4318-834D-52F6EFAC5AA4Super blah although I will say the black on black outfit was fierce in person after I actually did my makeup.

So there you have it.  I’m off to get ready to take my girls to the zoo since the weather is gorgeous!  Have a great Sunday, y’all!

Introvert+Truth+Teamwork+Positivity+Downtime

This introvert needs some alone time.

I’m taking tomorrow off.  I feel sensory overload.  People, noise, my surroundings.  I need to get away from it all.

I need downtime.  Quiet.  Peace.  Even if it’s just for a few moments.  I need to be completely alone.

I know some people don’t get it.  I know some people think it’s selfish.  I know some think it’s an excuse for time off.  To the latter two types I say “eff you and your judgy bullshit.”

The older I get, the more I get to know myself and the clearer it becomes.  There are some things I absolutely need in order to function:  prayer, plenty of sleep, lots of water, exercise, organization, a planner, and downtime.  These things are crucial in order for me to not have a breakdown and bitch out everyone in sight.

I also need to work on my diet because PMS gets the best of me and I eat everything in sight knowing damn well that I’ll feel like shit a few minutes later and for days to come.  The more I pay attention to how food affects me, the more I realize that sugar makes me sick.  It makes me antsy and irritable and lethargic.  Red meat makes me feel bloated and gross. Bread and milk totally screw up my system.  And yet. I had ALL OF THAT today.  And while it was savory and I justified it with PMS, I’m already feeling sluggish and  it didn’t even help my mood at all.

I need to get back to running in the mornings.  Being up before everyone, the quiet, it made me feel at peace even if for a bit.  I need to eat better.  Because with as much as I’ve been busting my ass on the pavement, the scale keeps going up.  I need to stop cheating myself in order to see results.  I know all this, and still, it’s hard.

Because when students don’t listen and you answer the same question eleventy million times and the kids you want to help refuse it and the ones you thought were improving fall, it’s so easy to turn to a chocolate bar and say “I deserve this after the day I’ve had” but I don’t.  What I do deserve is a talk with a team that has my back and understands.  And a run to burn out the negativity.  And time with my kids who seem to be growing up in the blink of an eye.  And I have all that.  Now all I need is my me-time.  ❤

Brain Dump

I started drafting this post on Thursday and it’s amazing what a difference a day makes.  Thursday was bad.  I was in a horrible mood.  People were annoying me by just existing.  Well, that’s a lie.  Some people are just negative little assholes.  But I won’t waste my time dwelling on that because it’s just not worth it.

Friday was awesome.  Teaching kids to write essays is not easy.  That is understatement of the century.  Either way, Thursday was discouraging, but then Friday came around and the kids started getting it and I got some awesome feedback from old students and it was just a great day.

Then today I went to a training that I found to be incredibly insightful and relevant.  If you’re a teacher, you know how rare that is.  I mean, no one likes going to trainings period, let alone one on a Saturday morning, but I feel it was a good investment of my time and it reinforced my belief in teachers being our own best resources.

In other news, I’ve hidden my scale.  I was super annoyed with the number  I was at last week, but happy with the way my legs are looking, so I decided I need to stop with the number obsession and focus on how I feel and look instead.

I’m tired.  We’ve been traveling quite a bit this last month and household chores have been piling up and I’ve been dead set on getting my daily workouts in that putting clothes away and organizing clutter has taken a back seat.

So has putting much thought into outfits and hair.  Whatever, as long as I feel put together and not like a slob, I’m good.

 

No OOTW pictures this week because wordpress is being difficult.

Have a great weekend!

 

 

The end of a decade

Tonight I turn the page on a chapter of my life that had tumultuous start and an incredible finish.

My early twenties were crazy.  They were aggressively lived.  My mid-twenties were spent picking up the pieces from the three years past  My late twenties were for getting to know myself, accepting myself, and loving myself enough to let myself be swept off my feet.  They were for settling down and settling in.  For growing my family and making our home.  For letting go of outgrown friendships and toxic people and appreciating true friends instead.

My twenties were great.  I know my thirties will be better.

I’ve learned a few things.  I want to learn a few more.

I want to learn to listen more and talk less.  To think before I speak and be more considerate and compassionate of others. In my twenties, I felt it my right to scream my thoughts at the top of my lungs and say what came to mind completely unabashed and with no filter.  I believed it was my duty as a young woman to make sure my thoughts were expressed and I never held back.

I feel now that tact is something we are losing as a society.  It’s not about political correctness or giving in and being silenced.  It’s about tact.  About thinking of others while also thinking of myself because I am not in the business of hurting others.

I used to take pride in the fact that my words could slay. They could cut you down and make you feel like the smallest of the small. Unworthy. Useless. Guilty.

But as I grew up, I came to realize that that’s not necessarily a good thing.  Words should be used to build people up, not bring them down.  Words should be used to offer kindness and not spew hatred.  Our words are powerful.  They carry a force behind them that we sometimes can’t even begin to imagine.  I’m learning that I’d rather my words carry a positive aura and swallow a bit of anger than say something out of spite and leave a wound that could take forever to heal.  It’s a slowly learned lesson and one that’s come at great cost.

I want to spend more time doing things with my kids.  Things that they enjoy doing.  Playing basketball.  Going to the park.  Going to games.

I want to invest my money rather than spend it.  Invest in experiences and quality of life.  Take family trips.  Take couple trips.  Invest in my marriage. Invest in my kids and their interests.  Invest in myself.

I want to be a better version of myself.  If my twenties were about self-acceptance, my thirties will be for expanding on that and living a better life through self-improvement.

My thirties are going to rock and I cannot wait.