Four and done.

The girls are growing up and I’m finally starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel and that light doesn’t include any more babies.

The girls are out of diapers.  They can get basic things like water and snacks for themselves.  They sleep (mostly) through the night and in their own room.  They can both tell me what they want/need verbally instead of crying (although meltdowns are the exception because words go out the window).  I don’t have to worry about carrying diapers/bottles/baby food/strollers around.  They can walk or sit in a shopping cart.  They can entertain themselves.  Monika is old enough to babysit and the girls are old enough to be babysat.

I’m enjoying my time with my kids. Most of the time I feel like I barely have enough time to pay enough attention to each one of them individually and adding one more baby into the mix would be chaotic and just not an option at this point.  I want to be able to spend time with each of my kids one-on-one and I can only spread myself so thin before being totally wiped out from existence.

My kids all have huge, ginormous, strong personalities. Which I am very, very thankful, I might add.  But it’s exhausting.  Dealing with four different personalities is tough. And they’re all so…expressive and vocal and in-your-face.  There is no tuning them out.  There is no “holdonasecletmecatchmythoughts” It’s always go-go-go.

And I wouldn’t have it any other way!  I’m loving watching each one of them develop their personalities and grow up.  Sometimes it kills me that time goes by so fast.  Especially when I think about Monika and how she’s almost 16, almost out of high school, and almost ready to drive.  She’s almost an adult. And Ellexa is starting school this year.  SCHOOL! It’s crazy, but oh so exciting!  I always thought once the girls got older I’d be itching to have another tiny baby at home, but no.  The baby fever is gone.

I’m looking forward to not having car seats in my truck and not having to buckle/unbuckle each seat every single time we go somewhere.  I’m ready for my truck to stop feeling so crowded because of clunky, oversized carseats.

I’m looking forward to be done paying for daycare.  I mean, that’ll likely last a few more years as after-school care is necessary since school schedules vary so much between grade levels, but either way, I’m ready for that money to be back in my pocket. (it will more than likely not be seeing as kids get progressively more expensive each year of life, but still)

I’m looking forward to being able to go to soccer games and basketball games and award ceremonies for the big kids and whatever activities the girls decide to pursue without having to calm a fussy baby/toddler.

I’m looking forward to watching my babies grow up and be able to really be present in the moment.  ❤





requisite update

Student teaching has been an amazing, eye-opening experience. I’ve learned so much from my mentor teacher. Invaluable lessons that no amount of time in an education course could have taught me. I’m going to miss working with her, the kids, and most of the teachers and staff. I really can’t say enough positive things about this experience. It’s been awesome.

Not so awesome? All the million and one additional requirements for English majors due to the university trying to get certified. They’re tedious, menial, and completely unrealistic as far as using them in a classroom goes.

And my last “required” (it’s a substitution for my actual required course & has nothing in common with it) English course…sucks. There’s no other way to put it. The work is pointless. The assignments are tedious. The instructions vague. The professor takes forever to grade and provides no feedback.

I feel like I’m taking “What Not to Do When You’re a Teacher 101.”

If anything, I’ve learned that students will have a very hard time doing work that they can’t find use for or relate to in their own lives.

So yes, total mental block when it comes to this class. It infuriates me.

In other news, I need a makeover. My master bedroom needs a makeover. My kids’ attitude needs a makeover.

More on that another time.

Hindsight, poor planning, and finality

I could sit here and bitch and moan about UTB’s lack of a competent advising department.  I could, but I don’t have the time it would take to write about how much they suck.

So instead I’ll just say I wasted between two and three semesters taking classes I didn’t need only to find out today that had I taken matters into my own hands, I would already have not one degree, but two.  *breathe/in/breathe/out/try/not/to/cry*

And then I think, well, yeah, but my ultimate goal was to teach, not to just get a degree in English, but, but…ten years, people.  I’ve been at this for TEN.YEARS. and now that it’s SO CLOSE I realize all of this?! I could have been DONE?  ::sigh::

Semi-resigned already, maybe still a chance to turn back, but do I really want to? 

No.  I have a purpose, damnit.  What’s one more semester?  And in the end I can get both degrees if I want to.  So nana-nana- boo -boo.  I’ve got this. 

How’s your Wednesday going?