Currently

I’ve gained about five pounds in the last two weeks and while it may not seem like much, it *is* because it puts me right under my “dreaded” weight and that is so not okay.  I wish I had more time to run.  I wish I had more time to myself.  But alas, family comes first.

I’ve been eating my feelings and my stress and it’s been so easy to justify a cookie here and a chocolate there because “I’m going running after work anyway” except I don’t because I’m running around like a crazy woman doing pick-ups after school.

I’m seriously considering taking a mental health day because while I don’t feel stressed, I know I am.  I just want a day to go to the movies and sleep and shop and not have a worry in the world until it’s time to pick up all the munchkins from school.  A day to just turn my brain off.

So I’ve promised myself a few new outfits when I reach my goal weight in order to motivate myself to eat better.  I’ve promised myself I will manage a way to sneak in a run every two days because the half marathon is literally ten days away.  And I’ve promised myself to take the day after the marathon off because I’ll be exhausted and will need to recover and what better way to do that than with sleep, movies, and more sleep?

Until then, peace out.

Can’t think of a title

It’s pouring outside and the sound is glorious.

I spent most of my morning waiting in line for a chance to win $100 at ULTA to only win $5, but it’s okay because Elliah went with me and she got to pick something out.  I’m sure the texturizing cream she got will work wonders on her hair  =P

There’s so much to say and no way to say it, so here’s a bunch of pictures of my outfits from this school year.  Riveting stuff, right?  Have a great Sunday, people!

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Mustard.

I’ve been meaning to post about the beginning of the school year and how all that’s going and my training and my birthday and everything, but I’ve fallen down the Netflix rabbit hole and every spare moment I’ve had has been spent watching Dexter with Mona.

Ellexa is LOVING pre-k. She adjusted as well as I thought she would. She loves her teacher and she enjoys doing her homework (most of the time). She loves telling us all about the new things she learns and does each day.

Elliah is still adjusting. Every day is a battle of wills to get her to stay at daycare without crying. There’s nothing that she doesn’t like about it, she just got so used to having her big sister there with her.

Mona is doing as Mona always does: amazingly well.  That child never ceases to amaze me.  Noteworthy: Cotillion dress shopping has begun.  Bring on the hunt!

Caleb is doing great.  He has joined flag football and has his first game tomorrow. Basketball still is and will probably always be #1 in his heart, but I’m glad he’s branching out.

My gym membership has gotten little to no use.  I’ve managed to work in a few outdoor runs here and there and one single strength workout since school started, but that’s it. And let me tell you, I can feel the difference.  Not a fan of this lethargic, pudgy feeling I’ve got going on 24/7.

I haven’t even done my OOTD posts anymore because I hate the location of my mirror and need to figure something else out.  My hair needs a touch-up.  I’ve got lesson plans to work on.  I pulled something in my back and can barely move.  It’s gonna be a fun weekend.  This is 31!

 

On the end of summer and not hyping up firsts

I do this thing with birthdays where in my mind, it has to be the birthday person’s most special day everrrrrr.  In concept, that sounds great.  But making that happen? Totally impossible.  You can’t make every.single.birthday the most wonderful day ever. The pressure is crazy.

Unfortunately, I do the same for firsts. I get all excited and happy and expectant and I end up psyching myself out to the point where I just don’t want to do whatever it was I was looking forward to.

So this year, instead of focusing on Monday being THE FIRST DAY BACK TO SCHOOL! I’m tricking myself into thinking that it’s just the second week back and it’s just another day. Yes, there will now be students and yes, I will now be teaching, but it’s just another day.

Except Monday is also Ellexa’s first day of “big girl school” (she attended pre-school at the same learning center she went to daycare).  It’s her FIRST! DAY! OF SCHOOL! So I’m psyching myself out about that.  Especially because our mornings are already so hectic and adding another school to the mix will definitely be testing our time constraints.  I can’t not go to my child’s first day of school and walk her into her classroom and stay for a bit.  I just can’t! So I’m praying it all works out and goes smoothly and she doesn’t cry and Elliah doesn’t have a meltdown at pre-school and I’m not epically late to work.

And oh my gosh, did I mention Caleb started 7th grade this year? He shot up and slimmed down and is all grown up.

And Monika.  She’s a junior.  A JUNIOR.  What the hell, man???

I’m gonna go make me a tea and cry in a corner.  Forget firsts! Bah.

On plateaus

I started going to the gym at the beginning of July.  Prior to that I mainly ran every other day, three miles or so.  The scale wasn’t moving, my legs looked okay, but not as toned as I’d like them to.  I started the 30 Day Shred which had given me awesome results before, but nothing this time.  Now I go to the gym every week day and do cardio/HIIT for a warm-up and then weights. I’ve gained five pounds.  What the duck?

It’s frustrating.  My body has changed and I’ve toned up in some areas, but I haven’t slimmed down at all.  I’ve gained weight.  And I mean, yeah, it’s still pretty awesome because my legs used to be one of the things I was super self conscious about and now I live in shorts, but still.  Frustrating.  I feel like I eat less than I used to.  I got tired of logging shit on myfitnesspal every time I ate so I don’t know for sure anymore.  And I mean, I know I can cut down on the snacking and late eating, and once I go back to work that’ll hopefully be easier, but ohmygosh why can’t I just drop a few pounds???

Don’t get me wrong.  I have some new found confidence. Hell, I even bought a crop top to wear with a high-waisted skirt the other day.  I feel stronger.  I look better.  But my mid-section is killing my vibe, yo.  Maybe I should give up dairy? I feel bloated all the damn time.  It sucks.  So the new realization is that my diet sucks.  I swear I could eat nothing but salads all damn day and still feel sick and bloated afterwards.  So what do I eat?! Ugh.

 

On summer snacking

I’m currently sitting on my couch eating chips and pecans out of a bowl that I’ve hidden under my throw blanket so the girls don’t see it because they will inevitably wipe me out of said snacks within the minute.  Horrible, selfish, justified.

You know how they say that teenage athletes will eat though your pantry and fridge in minutes? Well, my toddlers will too.  Growth spurts, gotta love them.  Except my kids are currently obsessed with waffles and marshmallow cereal.  I can make the most delicious spaghetti (their favorite food) and lately they’ll pass it up for some good old fashioned cereal.  I’ve been giving in because usually, they eat pretty healthy.  Also, because it’s summer and rules don’t count in summer.  Especially when we all go back to reality in less than a month. *insert crying emoji here*

I wish I had Oreo cookies at home.

I’ve had some pretty awesome thoughts about some things I want to implement next year year, but have refused to think too much about them so they’ve just been jotted down.  I refuse to acknowledge that this is almost over.  I know I need to start waking up earlier so it won’t be a total shock on my body, but I’ll get to that eventually.  I also need to find some cute, comfortable, affordable heels to teach in, so that’s on the list.

Ah, lists.  I have so enjoyed living without them (not really, but I have enjoyed not needing to follow them to a T).

Anyway, back to eating my feelings snacking and avoiding what’s right around the corner. Enjoy your summer, people!

 

 

Four and done.

The girls are growing up and I’m finally starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel and that light doesn’t include any more babies.

The girls are out of diapers.  They can get basic things like water and snacks for themselves.  They sleep (mostly) through the night and in their own room.  They can both tell me what they want/need verbally instead of crying (although meltdowns are the exception because words go out the window).  I don’t have to worry about carrying diapers/bottles/baby food/strollers around.  They can walk or sit in a shopping cart.  They can entertain themselves.  Monika is old enough to babysit and the girls are old enough to be babysat.

I’m enjoying my time with my kids. Most of the time I feel like I barely have enough time to pay enough attention to each one of them individually and adding one more baby into the mix would be chaotic and just not an option at this point.  I want to be able to spend time with each of my kids one-on-one and I can only spread myself so thin before being totally wiped out from existence.

My kids all have huge, ginormous, strong personalities. Which I am very, very thankful, I might add.  But it’s exhausting.  Dealing with four different personalities is tough. And they’re all so…expressive and vocal and in-your-face.  There is no tuning them out.  There is no “holdonasecletmecatchmythoughts” It’s always go-go-go.

And I wouldn’t have it any other way!  I’m loving watching each one of them develop their personalities and grow up.  Sometimes it kills me that time goes by so fast.  Especially when I think about Monika and how she’s almost 16, almost out of high school, and almost ready to drive.  She’s almost an adult. And Ellexa is starting school this year.  SCHOOL! It’s crazy, but oh so exciting!  I always thought once the girls got older I’d be itching to have another tiny baby at home, but no.  The baby fever is gone.

I’m looking forward to not having car seats in my truck and not having to buckle/unbuckle each seat every single time we go somewhere.  I’m ready for my truck to stop feeling so crowded because of clunky, oversized carseats.

I’m looking forward to be done paying for daycare.  I mean, that’ll likely last a few more years as after-school care is necessary since school schedules vary so much between grade levels, but either way, I’m ready for that money to be back in my pocket. (it will more than likely not be seeing as kids get progressively more expensive each year of life, but still)

I’m looking forward to being able to go to soccer games and basketball games and award ceremonies for the big kids and whatever activities the girls decide to pursue without having to calm a fussy baby/toddler.

I’m looking forward to watching my babies grow up and be able to really be present in the moment.  ❤