write

Currently

I’ve gained about five pounds in the last two weeks and while it may not seem like much, it *is* because it puts me right under my “dreaded” weight and that is so not okay.  I wish I had more time to run.  I wish I had more time to myself.  But alas, family comes first.

I’ve been eating my feelings and my stress and it’s been so easy to justify a cookie here and a chocolate there because “I’m going running after work anyway” except I don’t because I’m running around like a crazy woman doing pick-ups after school.

I’m seriously considering taking a mental health day because while I don’t feel stressed, I know I am.  I just want a day to go to the movies and sleep and shop and not have a worry in the world until it’s time to pick up all the munchkins from school.  A day to just turn my brain off.

So I’ve promised myself a few new outfits when I reach my goal weight in order to motivate myself to eat better.  I’ve promised myself I will manage a way to sneak in a run every two days because the half marathon is literally ten days away.  And I’ve promised myself to take the day after the marathon off because I’ll be exhausted and will need to recover and what better way to do that than with sleep, movies, and more sleep?

Until then, peace out.

Breath.

Two ears.  One Brain.
Attention divided. Not enough.

Carve moments out of time.  It’s not enough.  It’s never enough.
Little slivers of suspended reveries between mountains and mountains of dense, responsibility laden thoughts.

One heart. A few pieces. All equal. All important. Several pieces. Not equal. Still important.

Check incessantly out of boredom. Scroll absentmindedly out of habit. Vow to stop because it’s pointless and the vapidness of it all is cringeworthy. Oxymoronic.

Worry for nothing. Worry for everything. Worry and do nothing. Try and fail. Again.

Patience was a virtue not many were blessed with and the ones who were got too much of it and now it makes them seem like they don’t care.  “Tiene sebo” es lo que dicen.

Say something a thousand times to be heard once. Say it a little louder next time. Why are you always yelling?

Always angry. Always frowning. Used to be always smiling. Not always happy, but always smiling. Even through the worries.

Time passes. Wrinkles settle. The soul matures. Why doesn’t it keep smiling, though?

Care too little. Care too much. Care enough to do something, but what?

Breathe.