This introvert needs some alone time.
I’m taking tomorrow off. I feel sensory overload. People, noise, my surroundings. I need to get away from it all.
I need downtime. Quiet. Peace. Even if it’s just for a few moments. I need to be completely alone.
I know some people don’t get it. I know some people think it’s selfish. I know some think it’s an excuse for time off. To the latter two types I say “eff you and your judgy bullshit.”
The older I get, the more I get to know myself and the clearer it becomes. There are some things I absolutely need in order to function: prayer, plenty of sleep, lots of water, exercise, organization, a planner, and downtime. These things are crucial in order for me to not have a breakdown and bitch out everyone in sight.
I also need to work on my diet because PMS gets the best of me and I eat everything in sight knowing damn well that I’ll feel like shit a few minutes later and for days to come. The more I pay attention to how food affects me, the more I realize that sugar makes me sick. It makes me antsy and irritable and lethargic. Red meat makes me feel bloated and gross. Bread and milk totally screw up my system. And yet. I had ALL OF THAT today. And while it was savory and I justified it with PMS, I’m already feeling sluggish and it didn’t even help my mood at all.
I need to get back to running in the mornings. Being up before everyone, the quiet, it made me feel at peace even if for a bit. I need to eat better. Because with as much as I’ve been busting my ass on the pavement, the scale keeps going up. I need to stop cheating myself in order to see results. I know all this, and still, it’s hard.
Because when students don’t listen and you answer the same question eleventy million times and the kids you want to help refuse it and the ones you thought were improving fall, it’s so easy to turn to a chocolate bar and say “I deserve this after the day I’ve had” but I don’t. What I do deserve is a talk with a team that has my back and understands. And a run to burn out the negativity. And time with my kids who seem to be growing up in the blink of an eye. And I have all that. Now all I need is my me-time. ❤