I don’t want my babies to grow up. There, I said it.
I’v e been a hormonal mess. For someone who went years being physically unable to cry, this sucks. I tear up with anything. Someone says anything remotely sweet or sentimental, like how their kid or little brother just started talking, or a stupid commercial, or Mely pouring her heart out to Fitz in the best and rawest of ways, and I lose my shit, My eyes well up, my nose gets red, and the waterworks starts. I hate being so damn emotional, but I’m getting used to it, I guess.
For some reason, Girls Gone Child‘s blog always makes me teary eyed and makes me long for my kids to all be little again so I can savor every bit of their childhood.
I see Ellexa and Elliah and they’re both getting so big. Elliah has barely any remnants of the baby phase in her. She’s tall and independent and sometimes she busts out with the most grown up conversations. I’m not used to that from her. She’s my baby. My little baby who likes being a baby, but not anymore. Ellexa has always been ahead of her years and so independent. But now? Now she’s tall enough to reach and grab a cup and get herself some water. Something that trivial shows me just how my toddler is no longer a toddler but a little big girl instead. She’s going to preschool, for goodness sake!!! I’m not ready for it. And then I am at the same time. Because when they’re both crying and asking for things and it takes me seventyjillion hours to get them out of the house, I think how nice it’s going to be when they’re older and they can do this all themselves and I will finally have a break. And then I cry because I’ll no longer have any babies in the house and well, that’s just sad. But I went through the same thing with Mona. I cried at every stage. With Caleb, it was his baby months. I spent every moment wishing he would stay a baby forever. But they have to grow up. They do, and every moment, every milestone, every step of the way will be amazing.