The end of a decade

Tonight I turn the page on a chapter of my life that had tumultuous start and an incredible finish.

My early twenties were crazy.  They were aggressively lived.  My mid-twenties were spent picking up the pieces from the three years past  My late twenties were for getting to know myself, accepting myself, and loving myself enough to let myself be swept off my feet.  They were for settling down and settling in.  For growing my family and making our home.  For letting go of outgrown friendships and toxic people and appreciating true friends instead.

My twenties were great.  I know my thirties will be better.

I’ve learned a few things.  I want to learn a few more.

I want to learn to listen more and talk less.  To think before I speak and be more considerate and compassionate of others. In my twenties, I felt it my right to scream my thoughts at the top of my lungs and say what came to mind completely unabashed and with no filter.  I believed it was my duty as a young woman to make sure my thoughts were expressed and I never held back.

I feel now that tact is something we are losing as a society.  It’s not about political correctness or giving in and being silenced.  It’s about tact.  About thinking of others while also thinking of myself because I am not in the business of hurting others.

I used to take pride in the fact that my words could slay. They could cut you down and make you feel like the smallest of the small. Unworthy. Useless. Guilty.

But as I grew up, I came to realize that that’s not necessarily a good thing.  Words should be used to build people up, not bring them down.  Words should be used to offer kindness and not spew hatred.  Our words are powerful.  They carry a force behind them that we sometimes can’t even begin to imagine.  I’m learning that I’d rather my words carry a positive aura and swallow a bit of anger than say something out of spite and leave a wound that could take forever to heal.  It’s a slowly learned lesson and one that’s come at great cost.

I want to spend more time doing things with my kids.  Things that they enjoy doing.  Playing basketball.  Going to the park.  Going to games.

I want to invest my money rather than spend it.  Invest in experiences and quality of life.  Take family trips.  Take couple trips.  Invest in my marriage. Invest in my kids and their interests.  Invest in myself.

I want to be a better version of myself.  If my twenties were about self-acceptance, my thirties will be for expanding on that and living a better life through self-improvement.

My thirties are going to rock and I cannot wait.

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