JuneJitterbug Exhaustion

June is basically a month-long celebration of birthdays, graduations, and other party-worthy events. I think there’s one week where we have a family birthday every single day. Elliah’s birthday is on the 15th, then just 15 days later we have my husband’s birthday, and in between that, we have Father’s Day.

Parties! People! Family! Cake! Every extroverts dream!

But for me? The month leaves me emotionally and mentally drained. I love family. I love my people. But I need time to recharge in order to function. How does one find alone time in family home of 6? One doesn’t.

This week alone I had graduation, we celebrated Grandpa’s birthday, Tia Grace’s birthday, Tia Martha’s birthday, Elliah’s birthday, and Father’s Day.

Which is why today is almost sacred to me. The girls are at daycare, my husband is at work, Caleb is at his dad’s, and Monika is sleeping and watching movies, which gives me the silence and solitude I so desperately need to recharge and be able to function like a normal human being.

Most people don’t get that.  It’s not the work that goes into throwing a party or the walking back and forth in heels keeping kids in line at graduation or teaching summer school after a hectic year that exhausts me. It’s the constant having to be present and talking and listening and being around other people that is utterly draining.

So today I rest and I relax and I sit still and in silence and recharge to deal with tomorrow. ❤

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Sometimes

Sometimes, you just want to say “fuck decorum” and just put it all out there because it’s therapeutic.  Because blasting people that need to be blasted eases my mind and soothes my soul.

But doing so would be in poor taste and would cause more harm than good and in the end would do nothing more than make me feel better for a few minutes and then I’d go back to being miserable because venting about something helps, but it doesn’t make the problem go away.

So thank goodness for sisterly bonds and LDRs and people who get it and don’t judge.  All my love to you, babe.

Sometimes, you just need to focus on the good like grad school applications and having completed my education and being thankful that I have a career AND a great ass & I’m not stuck at some dead-end job with no diploma.

Sometimes, you just have to channel your frustrations and let them be your motivation to do better, try harder, go stronger.  You have to take that next step that will get you where you want to be.  Be it running a half marathon or finally getting a master’s degree or simply learning to let go of old demons.

Sometimes, you just need to remember to breathe.

 

On Daily Workouts

What I learned while attempting to workout every single day for a month:

Working out (whether it be something light like a long walk or a jog or a strength training session) makes me feel good.  It makes me feel alive and capable and strong.

Sweating and getting my heart rate up truly does have healing powers against anxiety and mood disorders.  I found that on the days I didn’t go to the gym early in the morning, I was moodier during the day and had horrible anxiety throughout the morning.

If I don’t workout in the morning, I don’t work out at all. That’s just a fact.  So 5 AM wake-ups are a requirement for me.  Life is just too busy the rest of the day and I hate to feel rushed and anytime I’d go after work, I’d feel like I had to stop early or cut sets because I had to run out and pick up the kids.

It made me feel like a bad ass.  For the first 24 days, anyway.  After that, my body felt like it quit on me.  I overworked it, didn’t give it enough rest, and it responded accordingly…which leads me to my next point:

Daily is too much for me.  Especially in March when work is historically hectic & the kids’ sports schedules are in full swing.  The pressure I put on myself to do it stressed me out even more and it just led to more health issues and breakdowns.

Daily workouts are awesome and will continue to be something I strive to do obviously for my physical health, but also for my mental well being. However, I no longer feel the need to stress over missing a workout or putting undue pressure on myself to do it every single day or beating myself up for missing a day if I feel too tired or too sick. I’ll make sure I listen to by body and rest when it tells me to rest.

I’m going to miss closing my circles daily.  Seeing those little suckers loop all the way around made my heart happy.

I didn’t lose a single pound.  I gained a lot, actually.  Probably due to the stress I mentioned above and not eating right and all of that.  So that sucked.

But still.  Look at the improvement on those circles, man…

 

December, Untitled.

Man. October? I guess I didn’t keep up with this thing after all.

The year is almost over and honestly, thank goodness for that. I’m ready to put it behind us and start fresh. A friend recently told me that 2016 was reportedly going to be bad all around, and I can say that’s pretty accurate.

I won’t recap everything because a lot happened since I last posted, but here’s a few tidbits.

Caleb turned 13. I now have two teenagers in my house.  What the?!

We lost an epic woman. A woman with a beautiful soul, a contagious smile, an infectious laughter, and an incredible energy. My babies are blessed to be a part of her legacy and Elliah’s hair, smile, and laughter will forever remind me of her. img_8505

It’s sad that it sometimes takes occasions like this one to reunite family members, but I’m thankful that we got to spend so much time with our El Paso family. The kids had a blast playing with their cousins and I love seeing my husband spend time with his brothers. Distance sucks, but it makes times like this weekend that much more memorable.

We miss them already and are looking forward to our trip up there in a few weeks!

cough, cough, cough, get away from me

Everyone in my house is sick right now.  Monika has a cough that won’t quit.  Ellexa has a horrible ear infection.  My husband managed to catch that too.  Elliah has really bad allergies.  Caleb and I see to be the only normal ones right now, but living with four sick people and not getting sick yourself is nearly impossible.  I feel my ears tingly and my throat scratchy,  I’ve been drinking emergen-c and taking vitamins like crazy.  Drinking a ton of water.  And yet.

I have my first half marathon to run on Sunday. I.cannot.get.sick. Fk.  I hate this.

And then to top all this shit off, I went for a short, easy run yesterday and now my left knee hurts all the way up to my thigh. @(*&*^%&#(%$^)*@&

I’ve been eating like crap because I’m so busy all the damn time so I’m too tired to cook so takeout always seems like the easiest option, but it makes me feel so gross and sick.

I need a reset.  I need a vacation.  I need a getaway.

Sunday. Run. Monday. Rest. Cannot. Wait.

 

Ohm.

Going on hour two of Rylan and Rayne  going back and forth bickering and crying and being overall annoying.  You eat first, no you eat first, stop looking at me, you moved the table a centimeter, wah, wahwah, wahwah.

I’m feeling a bit(lot) salty right now over a few things and have nothing nice to say and I kind of miss the days of just putting it all out here for people to read, but with age comes decorum and knowing when to shut ones mouth/restrain ones fingers.  But man, do I ever want to just word vomit all over the damn place right now.

Instead though, I’m taking half a day off tomorrow to shop and go catch a movie and take care of myself because I need to/deserve to/want to.  Peace out.

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